For Lola

Everytime the holidays come around, I always think of my Lola (grandma). She passed away a couple years ago, and it was very hard for me. She was living in the Philippines, but she would always make her "U.S. Tour" to all of us here in America. So it was hard when I found out from my mother she had passed away. The hardest part was I never got to say goodbye, or even be there for my mom.

I got the crazy idea to write a letter to my Lola, and have my mom read it at her funeral in the Philippines. This is the letter I wrote:

Lola Dearest,

Hi cooterhead! It’s you favorite cootering grandson PJ. Well, Mom called me the other day and asked what I would like from the Philippines when she goes there to see you. To be honest… I told her a girlfriend, because they are very good pickings there. Its pathetic, I know… and I know I should love for love and nothing more, but Mom has good taste and I trust it.

But what I really wanted was for you to be here, to make your U.S. visit like you always do. But that would be selfish of me to take away one of God’s angels, and I can’t be selfish. I’m not 5 anymore. But after hearing the news, it’s almost surreal, almost too hard to believe.

But it’s not like I missed you. A lot of friends ask me if I’m all right, knowing my Lola is gone. I say yeah! I’m totally fine, why? Because you aren’t gone. I tell them that I didn’t lose my grandma, my Lola, but rather I’d finally gained that guardian angel I’ve been looking for. Knowing now that you are up in heaven and all around me, I know longer have to wait for those summers for you to come.

Lola, you are never gone to me. I promise that your life will live within me. I want my children to know about how you always smelled of siopao dough, how you had one favorite chair in the kitchen you sat on when you cooked in the kitchen, how we would look for the best garage sales around the neighborhood, how every day you was filled with love and compassion and just a spirit that made me happy to come home to. Like how you taught me, I want to teach them how to fish and how to feel if a crab is really biting your chicken. But most importantly, I want them to know how much you cared about others, how much you gave yourself to others and how much you loved others. I don’t think any love in the world can compare.
All my life, all I want to do is make my family proud of me. I do everything I can to provide for my family and ensure my future is bright and forthcoming. Graduating high school, going to College and graduating with a great education, now have a steady job and able to provide for myself. Now the question is when will God provide me my wife, my family, the rest of my adult life! Life is just getting started for me, and its kind of scary. But knowing I got you and Jesus watching over me, I have no more fears to worry about.

Oh, take this picture with you. It’s of my best side!

Just know that I will do everything in my power to make you proud of me. I want you to be proud that I’m your grandson, because I am proud that you are and forever will be my Lola.
I hope that in my lifetime, I can come close to being as great as a grandparent as you were to me. You always made me smile, you always made me feel loved, you always made me finish my plate of food, and I definitely know I got my sense of humor from youI will always be thinking about you, and know that my children’s children’s children will know of your legacy and your love.

Next time I see a garage sale, I’ll pick something up for you!

I love you Lola. And know that I will make you proud. As proud as I am to be an Ambas kid.

Father,
As my Lola moves on to your wonderful sanctuary, protect her, bless her, and give her a warm welcoming as she enters your kingdom of heaven. She’s now in a better place, and in a place where she can see all of us at once. Bless us with her energy, her spirit, her compassion and her love so that her spirit in heaven can be lived here on earth. Go with God, Lola.

“Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!” (Matthew 25:23)

Amen.

Truly your Grandson,
Paolo J. A. Cabacoy
a.k.a. Your cooterhead

Verses for You, Lola
“Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him”
-1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

“Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.”
-John 11:25-26

Verses for Our Family
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things”
-Philippians 4:6-8

The picture posted with the letter was the last time I had talked to my Lola, on my graduation day. She told me that she was so proud of me for my accomplishments, that I was going to be a great young man, and that she loved me.

I know you are looking down on me, Lola. I hope I, along with all your grandchildren, are making you proud.