It's been a while...

Let's see... recent life updates...

Well, if you haven't heard or seen, I have an amazing girlfriend. that's right kiddies, she's awesomely amazing. i am a very lucky man. its not like any other relationship i've been in. we prefer staying in than going out, she hates it when i pay for things, we fight over who drives what car to wherever we're going, and we never go to sleep angry at eachother. There's so much more about our relationship and just her in general, but that would take more than one blog to write about.

It has been a long life battle of mine, committing and trusting in God when it comes to relationships. SOOO many people told me "there is ONE out there for me" and "that she is going to be the luckiest girl in the whole world" when we would finally meet, but do i, should i, trust their word? i mean, they are as mortal and imperfect as i am, so how could i put stock in such encouragement? Yes, it helped a bit back then, short gratification, short term contentment. But what about the long term, the long haul, the future? How could i be content with trusting my Lord with my relationship with others, specifically a significant other?

In high school and in college, i had the mindset that the Lord truly wanted me to be alone. as emo as that sounds, it was true... i constantly pushed people away because of the fear of being hurt or left out or, as weird as it sounds, falling in love. the fact that my heart could be put out there and cared for scared me... why? i dunno... maybe b/c i was scared of being hurt again, being alone, and all those emotions you hear in "break-up songs" as my girlfriend would describe them as. I've been hurt, and its not a good feeling, so why risk it?

My mind started wander, and i started to convince myself that i was meant to be alone in life, even though it is one of my greatest fears in life...

An article I read was about Trusting God in Relationships, and how we were meant to be in relationship. When Adam was created, God said "It is not good for the man to be alone... I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18). We all have the need to be in a compaionship, relationship, fellowship, friendship, it's been coded in us since day one. How i did not see this snippet of information in my earlier years? i don't know, but knowing and trusting God that He will provide me a companion/girlfriend/best friend/wife that is chosen by Him is how my life and mindset should be. When i stopped worrying about who my girlfriend/wife would be in the future, and just set my eyes and mind on the Lord and let Him set my course straight, all my worries and fears went away.

What did the Lord do for me during those years of not dating? He used my singleness to invest in His kingdom. I found myself filling up every day of my week with Young Life or Volunteering or some type of ministry. It is what the Lord wanted of me. It also allowed me to become a better man, in prepartion for the one i would meet in the future.

One of my favorite quotes from a blog goes something like, instead of asking when you will find the right girl for you, ask yourself how can you be a better man for the girl you will meet? It's so true. everyday, i always pray and try to find a better way to be a better friend, boyfriend, son, brother, co-worker, etc..

It all comes down to the committment i have for my Lord, and trusting in His ultimate plan. On those two reasons alone, i am thankful and blessed for the relationship i have today. Because without having a relationship with Christ, how could i even be ready for a relationship with anyone else?

But don't think we're the most perfect couple b/c we are not. We have our imperfections and are constantly learning something new about eachother each day. we just take it one day at a time, thank our Lord for what He has blessed us with, and be thankful for everything else. I am absolutely lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful girlfriend that also sees it this way. The Lord is teaching us new things every day, and we learn together.

I pray He blesses my relationship with Him and it brings me closer to Him. In turn, i pray that my relationship with Christ will bring me closer to her.

i know its a jumble of a mess, but maybe someone with A.D.D. will understand and get something out of this blog.. my mind is a mess with Christmas fast approaching!