'Cause Even Though When Times Get Rough...

'Cause even though when times get rough,
You never turned away
You were right there
And I Thank You
When I felt I had enough
You never turned away
You were right there
And I Thank You
~'Thank You' - Boyz II Men

I have been truly blessed to have such understanding people around me. I am what you call a "worrier" if you haven't noticed in the previous post. I worry about everything: my appearance, my work performance, how I am as a son, brother, uncle, friend, what people think about me, what I eat, etc... I am just a natural-born worrier from day one. I guess it dates back to when I was teased back in kindergarten for being, what my mother would call, "huskier" than the rest of the class. (I was crushed as a young middle schooler when i learned that pants at my age and size no longer were called "Husky", such a cool name for such a size!) I remember having the greatest fear of playing on the monkey bars because I thought I would break the whole thing. I mean, look at that face!!!

Well, my weight has always been on the top of the list for others to poke fun at. So when I was younger, I learned how to cope with such teasing and turn it into laughing, at myself. And being the "man" that I thought I was, I took the punches, kept all emotion inside, and became the self-conscience middle schooler and eventually the big worrier/overprotecter/suicide-watch case (i'll explain that ordeal in another post).

It didn't help either that I had not one, but TWO relationships that ended with the girl dumping me because they liked some other guy. After the first bad relationship, I found myself constantly asking the next girlfriend "Is everything OK?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Is everything OK between us?" "What's WRONG?"... Talk about a worrier, that was the kind of boyfriend that unlucky young lady got.

It wasn't until I met God my junior year of high school that I started to gain my, as Christian would call it, "Christ-Confidence". Thankful for my leader, Matt C., I was no longer caught up in the whole drama that high school seems to produce for those entangled in it. I was bolder, confident knowing Christ was in control of my life...

Until I left for college... talk about losing it all.

My transition from high school to college wasn't the easiest life transition. My roommate, who was a good friend from high school, got involved in the frat scene, which led to bad times. I wasn't plugged into any form of ministry or church because I simply didn't have time to (nor did i have any interest in it). I thought that i was strong enough in my faith that i could last without any fellowship or community of believers or a church. me being the independent type, i really and truly believed i could fend for myself. This had me going up the wrong river with no paddles. A time of regrets, lost friendships, back turned on God, pure darkness.

It was until i met a couple of good friends, a kick in the butt from my old Young Life leader, and a leap of faith in joining a church that i started to realize that i could never make it alone. It wasn't the friends, or the community or the church, but in Christ alone i could have not done it. College, i lost vision, lost sight of Christ, made up excuses not to listen to Him or seek Him out like i should have. But after meeting the right people, Devo and Fam, Christian and Fam, Velocity Sponsor fam, Fair Oaks Church, and getting the right Chuck Norris jump kick to the face, i realized it wasn't who i surround myself with, but more of who i put my whole life into.

"If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and
do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the
light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son,
purifies us from all sin" ~1 John 1:6-7

I was in a very dark time in college. Plagued with worries of not finishing, disappointing my parents, not knowing what to do when i got out. Trying to resolve my issues or calm myself about the issues was nearly impossible. But seeing the leap of faith others have taken, knowing that it wasnt for the people around them but for the better of their relationship with the Lord, made me fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness b/c i wasn't doing anything or trying to better my relationship with the Lord. It was like i was just "satisfied" with it, when i should hunger for more, strive to feast on the Body of Christ. You are the Way, the Truth, the Life and no one comes to the Father except through YOU.

so why was i thinking i could do it on my own? why was i thinking those i surrounded myself with were the Way? Stubborn Donkey.

It is who i keep myself surrounded with that keeps me accountable for my daily actions. My close friends, my extended family, my brothers and sisters in Christ all help me with this battle. But ULTIMATELY, its about my relationship with Christ that i need to surround my whole life with, b/c it is when i give up fully my life to Him is when all things begin to click.

So this post, a simple thank you. To all my friends for putting up with me and "accountabilitating" to me (Thanks, Austin for that word!), to the church allowing me to call it home, to my Velocity sponsors that I spend almost every moment in contact with, Christian and Stephanie for taking me in when i was left out, Mom, Dad, and brother for being my influences from day one.. But that does not compare to the thank you i have for my Lord, who even when i was dancing in the dark, filthy and covered in my Sins and guilts, was and is always there willing to accept me for who i am. Thank You Lord. Even though when times got rough, You never turned away, You were right there. And i Thank You.